fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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