He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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