dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
