I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
