Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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