my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
