Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
