I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
