I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
