mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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