Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
