I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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