Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
