yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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