All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
