yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
