Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
