I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
