I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
