Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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