My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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