please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
a search helicopter?!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
