so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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