I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
