Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
