to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
