U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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