I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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