Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
