Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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