The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
