is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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