oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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