i just google imaged poop.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
