So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
