Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
