A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
