me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
