so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
