The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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