ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
