No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
