I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
