I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
