If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
