I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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