i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
