singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
