Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
