I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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