i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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