I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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