I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
