ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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